Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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