3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
