it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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