i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
