I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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