Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
