you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
