I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
