the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
