omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
