Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
