sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
