it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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