I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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