This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
