In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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