Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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