Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
