11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
