just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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