The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
