remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
