It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
