I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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