Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
