I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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