Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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