He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
