the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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