You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
