Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
