AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
