She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
