last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
