shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
