bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
