he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
