I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
