btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
