i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
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