I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
