I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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