He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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