She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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