the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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