How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
