I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
