the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
