maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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