Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
