If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
