the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
