Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
