Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
is it fun? or sober?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
