We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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