mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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